The Angel of Death, or, How Patrol One Singled out the Firstborn

Living in what is essentially a gated community without the gate, the inhabitants of 71 Frances are subject to some horribly predatory parking rules enforced by a service known as Patrol One.

Patrol One is analogous to the angel of death. When all the neigborhood is asleep, the bored and underpaid staff of Patrol One trolls around in a Toyota Corolla and checks all parking stalls.

For cars equipped with a $60 holographic parking pass, Patrol One will pass over. For others not marked with the signal, Patrol One will execute a cruel punishment. Typically, it is in the form of a parking ticket that reads "subject to tow."

But the keyword thus far has been "subject." No car had actually been towed. Until Monday.

Monday was the infamous day in which Patrol One ratted out one of 71 Frances' vehicles as it was securely parked in the open spot directly in front of the house.

It was that day when Michelle surveyed the lovely neighborhood and saw an empty spot in front of the house. Her Ford Taurus has fallen prey to the dark forces of the angel of death.

The price was hefty -- a two hour round trip to reclaim the vehicle from Tows R Us, a $138 fine -- all for parking in front of our house.

Needless to say, said tragedy has brought us to our knees in a profound, righteous fear of Patrol One.